K-Dramas at the Dentist
and why I'm not a Korean doll
“Are you Vietnamese or Chinese?” my Vietnamese dental hygienist asked me. “I’m Korean,” I smiled, both of us surprised. Most of the time people guess I’m Korean. “Oh!” she laughed. “Annyeonghaseyo! Gamsahamnida!” We laughed and she asked if I speak Korean. I said no, only the words I’ve picked up from watching K-Dramas.
I explained that I’m adopted, and I connect with Korean culture through K-Dramas, how I’ve become obsessed with them. “Me too!! I’ve watched Crash Landing on You, like, ten times. How pathetic am I!?” she said. I told her it was my gateway series that got me hooked, and we gossiped about the lead love interests’ real life marriage. I recommended Reply 1988 to her, and she recommended one that sounded great but she forgot the title. (It seems ungoogle-able - it’s about kings and involves the elements like fire, water, maybe alternate universes? Is it The King: Eternal Monarch?).
Then the dentist, who is Chinese, came in. The hygienist asked if he and/or his wife watch any K-Dramas. He admitted he can’t take the K-dramas, but he said they watched one about a guy who quit his job to start a chicken business (my search tells me this must be Best Chicken). Throughout my whole dental procedure I thought how strange it is that I now have to go to the dentist to get my Asian culture fix. On the way out, I said bye to the dental hygienist and she comically said, “Gamsahamnida!”
This entire exchange was so comforting and well-timed, given the mood I was in on the way to the dentist. My brother drove me there. He asked why was Mom annoyed with me. Because he’s the only person I can say this to who can fully relate, I didn’t hold back.
“I initially didn’t want to go to lunch this weekend with Mom, and her friend, and her friend’s adopted Korean daughter, because it feels like she’s trotting me out like I’m her Korean doll!”
“Yup! Like she has our whole lives,” he said. I was sort of surprised by his enthusiastic agreement and relieved to share that with him because he wholeheartedly understands what I mean. I said if I explained anything like that to her it would hurt her feelings, or she would think I was being overly emotional, and my feelings would be invalidated for being overly woke, or whatever. It was important to feel so understood in that moment.
Maybe all I needed was the opportunity to air that out and vent the frustration only another Korean adoptee can understand. I’ve since decided to attend the lunch this weekend. I know my mom is excited to ‘trot me out’ in general. I’ve never lived locally as an adult here, so her getting invites for the two of us anywhere is new and fun for her. “Everyone is so excited to meet you!” she texted me. On the positive side, I might make a new Asian friend besides my dental hygienist.
Bee 안녕하세요,
I really am working at learning Korean. It is a broadening experience for me. I've enjoyed learning a bit about the Joseon period when "hangul was developed and invented by essentially one man in 1443—King Sejong (세종), the 4th King of Josun Dynasty. " - that quote is from LASeoulite. If you ever have a chance to learn the language try it. I've been studying online with Talk To Me In Korean, TTMIK. Do you like it when people try to speak whatever they know in Korean to you, like your dental hygienist did?
This may seem like an odd thing to say, and I hope it is okay. Two days ago a relative on the West coast (I live on the East coast) just had a birth in their family and within hours the photos of the newborn where flying across the country. Parents are so excited and proud and happy with their new children. Maybe it feels like they are showing off a doll, but I'm thinking it may be more just a human emotion of attachment, bonding and love. I'm sorry your adopted mom made you feel like a doll to show off instead of like a daughter she adored and is proud of. It sounds like you two need a heartfelt conversation about your feelings and whether going to explore your Korean roots would be helpful to you and your adoptive family. I know nothing about adoption so excuse me if I have crossed over a personal boundary. It's just that I got to witness in the last two days how much a birth family wanted to show off their new child and it made me wonder if an adoptive mother could feel that same pride and joy (even when their child is an adult). I do have close friends who have an adopted daughter (adult now) from Peru. One thing about them which I think is unique is they have kept very close ties with the birth mother in Peru and her children there, but the daughter in the states has a deep love and appreciation for her adoptive family in the states while still knowing her connection to her mom and siblings in Peru. Everyone's situation is unique. Bee I respect your honesty and appreciate your writings.