Hopefully devoted, but to what?
c'mon, gimme somethin to believe in...
personal stories, reflection, self-care, refreshers for the soul.
Internal Me is distinctly different from the Me who was with me from my 20s through 30s. Previous personas are sloughed off; there’s no hiding. As the past continues to solidify, mistakes cement themselves and an awareness creeps forward that tells me to tether myself to something I believe in. How do I do that when there’s no explicit faith to follow?
In Unassimilable the author talks about the role Asian American evangelical churches play in fostering identity for immigrants. We learn how involved she was at her Chinese church, where her social life and community were. She details the sense of belonging and camaraderie that comes from a shared ancestry. I wished I could relate to that type of community network feeling. In the end, she ultimately left when she discovered her “church friends” never truly accepted her, due to their homophobic beliefs strictly upheld by the church. Right-leaning Christians? Nah, church ain’t for me.
“I don't need religion or God to give my life meaning, because time gives it meaning,” Carrie Coons’ character Laurie says, in the only worthwhile dialogue of White Lotus season three. I know the 40+ crowd felt that shit hard. Through tears, Laurie tells her friends (who she hated the entire time) they’re the one special thing in her life. They don’t talk every day, but they have time and shared histories to lend significance to it all.
I’m grateful for my day one friends, too. Even though they live far away, we’re as one friend put it, “connected in this emotional state” of being in our 40s. The dedication required to stay connected, coupled with the unquestioned loyalty we have for each other, sounds similar to behavior found in a traditional faith practice. I will religiously send you audio texts until you tell me how you are! Okay, I can get behind dedicated voice notes to keep friendships close and current.
As I build my own concept of faith, it only makes sense that music would play a part. The closest route to an “ecstatic” experience for me is on a dance floor or at a live music venue. Since my listening habits have gotten lazy, I’m rectifying by centering music habits around a label-first mindset1.
It feels like I’m building digital altars to techno/electronic and indie outposts. Obvious, longtime “gods”: Hyperdub, Ghostly International, Warp Records, Ninja Tune, plus venerated “indie” labels (Beggars Group, Secretly Group to start). Music discovery/listening as a “serious” hobby is crucial to remaining hopeful and in touch with worlds outside of mine, as art lets us in on new perspectives.
In line with world-expanding: constant reading2. Unlike music interests, books come up naturally when I talk to friends. My current book is a rec from a well-read friend, who wisely talked me down from being intimidated by the 600-page count. Indulging in shared interests strengthens friendships.
Routines, connections, and deep-dives into existing interests are all components of life that leave room for each to be their own devotional practice. I’m excited to see what else makes the list as the years go by. For now, embodying these three “practices” keeps me from spinning out.
Regular communication with close friends (stream-of-consciousness audio advances friendships, and thwarts reaction-only replies)
Music discovery/listening on self-directed terms
Reading is what? FUNdamental!
“The closest route to an “ecstatic” experience for me is on a dance floor or at a live music venue.”
Yes! Which is why I was maybe a bit surprised to see that finding great dancefloors wasn’t one of your practices. They exist and will aid your music discovery efforts!